Salt Leaven and Light

I’m peculiar.

To the extreme.

My children refer to me as “The 1%”, meaning that there is likely only 1% of the population that is like me.

Whenever I mention how different I feel, or how people don’t seem to understand me, my children will say, “That’s okay, mom. People just don’t realize that you’re the 1%. Just keep being you because you are able to accomplish things that others can’t.”

Over the years, with the support of my children, I’ve become more comfortable with being “the 1%” because I have grown to understand that that is how God uses me best. He uses my individual character traits, including my peculiarities, to bring glory to His name.

I bet you feel peculiar, too, at times.

Do you ever struggle to fit in? To find people who really understand you?

Maybe you’re the 1%, too. Or perhaps the 8%, or 23%, or 35%.

Maybe you’re single, divorced, depressed, lonely, struggling with health problems, retired, an empty nester, someone with a unique personality, or someone who is just making your way back to the church.

Regardless of how peculiar you feel, God can use you.

God tends to use peculiar means to bring about His purposes:

God asked Moses, who was slow of speech, to go up against a powerful Pharoah and lead the Israelites to freedom. That’s peculiar.

Joshua and the Israelites were told to walk around the walls of Jericho in silence for many days before the walls came tumbling down. That’s peculiar.

God used women, Deborah and Jael, to free His people. That’s peculiar.

God told Gideon to have his men drink water from the river to determine who would lap the water with their tongues, as a dog laps, and who would kneel down to drink, putting their hands to their mouths. That’s peculiar.

God used Joseph Smith, a 14-year-old boy, to restore his church in these latter days. That’s peculiar.

God takes the weak of the world and makes them strong.

He takes the peculiar and turns them into instruments in His hands.

He will do so with us, if we let Him.

Six years ago, I had a lifechanging experience where, when at my weakest, God made me strong.

God finds ways to reminded me over and over again that He loves the weak and peculiar.

God desires us to stand out and be different–to be a peculiar people.

What is He asking you to do?

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FOR WHEN I AM WEAK, THEN AM I STRONG–PART 1

I am grateful for today’s Relief Society lesson, which was given by a member of the bishopric. He encouraged us to apply the Atonement of Jesus Christ to our lives on a more regular basis by seeking Him and accepting His mercy and grace amidst our daily challenges, for when we are yoked with Him, our burden will be light. (Matthew 11)

But what of those times when we HAVE turned to Him repeatedly, but have not received an answer to prayer, a lightened load, an ease of burden?

Such were the feelings of my heart recently as I collapsed at the side of my bed in prayer and tears at two o’clock in the morning.

“Heavenly Father,” I began, “I have done everything I know how to do to overcome my most severe trials. I have prayed unceasingly and received priesthood blessings; for nearly 20 years I’ve done endless research and spent tens of thousands of dollars. You know I want nothing more than to have the strength to build the Kingdom of God. Just THiNK of the good I could do if Thou wouldst just heal me?!” I lamented. “I don’t have the strength to do this anymore. I can’t heal myself. I’ve tried. I’m tired. I guess what I’m trying to say is that my life is now in your hands. I’m dependent on you for my every breath. If I wake tomorrow, it will be because of You. If I don’t, Thy will be done.”

As I slid into bed, a feeling of complete peace settled over me. It was as if Heavenly Father was saying to me,

“There now, I finally have you where I want you—fully dependent upon me. Sleep peacefully, my child, for I will never leave your side.”

Moments later, I fell into a deep sleep and slept better than I had in months.

The next morning, before climbing out of bed, I reached for my scriptures and happened to open to these words from the Apostle Paul, who was speaking of a “thorn in his flesh”:

“And he said unto me, My grace is sufficient for thee: for my strength is made perfect in weakness. Most gladly therefore will I rather glory in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me.

Therefore, I take pleasure in infirmities, in reproaches, in necessities, in persecutions, in distresses for Christ’s sake: for when I am weak, then am I strong.” (2 Corinthians 12:9-10)

In this moment, it all began to make sense to me. My prayers HAD been heard and answered. He never HAD left my side. I DO have the ability to help build the Kingdom of God, just not in the way I had envisioned.

While I long to serve God with all MY strength, He desires that I serve Him while relying wholly upon HIS strength. His strength is perfect in my weakness. His strength is the only strength I need.

Learning to navigate through my infirmities and weaknesses has been a lifelong journey, a journey that will continue into the future.

Yet, along with these is another obstacle that tends to hold me back.

One that may or may not surprise you.

To be continued…