What Makes A Man?

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“What makes a man?” I asked my son.

“Will you become a man when you get your driver’s license?

When you turn 21?

When you become a father?

Or is there more to becoming a man than just privilege, age, or a particular role in life?”

“There’s more to it,” he responded, thoughtfully.

It’s interesting to me how our culture lacks greatly in an area in which so many other cultures around the world thrive, that is, the business of raising boys to be men.

According to one article (1): “Modern American males possess few meaningful, ceremonial means of formally marking their passage from boyhood to manhood. What our culture does provide (high school “commencement,” d[r]iver’s license, the armed services, higher education, voting rights, drinking rights, employment, the age of twenty-one, possible marriage and fatherhood) can hardly be said to comprise a coherent rite of passage.”

Different cultures, throughout history, are known for their rituals—their rites of passage—that help to train their boys, beginning around the age of ten, to become men. With the help of their fathers and other men in their lives, boys are given challenges, responsibilities, projects, and wise counsel that propel them down the path towards manhood. They become ‘men’ only if they earn it.

“’Men’ are made, not born, argues Michael Kimmel, a professor of sociology at Stony Brook University: “Manhood is not a manifestation of an inner essence … [it] does not bubble up to consciousness from our biological constitution; it is created in our culture.”

How can we, as parents–and as a society–train our boys to become men?

One author shares some interesting insights that he refers to as The Ten Integrities (2).

1. LINEAL (or ancestral) INTEGRITY

2. PSYCHOLOGICAL INTEGRITY

3. SOCIAL INTEGRITY

4. SPIRITUAL INTEGRITY

5. MORAL INTEGRITY

6. EMOTIONAL INTEGRITY

7. SEXUAL INTEGRITY

8. MARITAL (or gender) INTEGRITY

9. PHYSICAL INTEGRITY

10. INTELLECTUAL INTEGRITY

Following is a brief synopsis of the first integrity with suggestions on how we can teach them to our boys:

#1: LINEAL (or ancestral) INTEGRITY

There is power in learning about one’s ancestors.

“Boys without lineal integrity do not hear the voices of their ancestors helping to guide them into manhood. They are less able to develop self-discipline and all the other integrities because their ancestors—even if from the grave—are not spiritually active in teaching them these integrities.”

WHAT WE CAN DO

* Get boys involved with genealogies, family heirlooms, and antiques.

* Tell lots of stories about ancestors so the boy develops a multigenerational sense of personal ancestry.

* Visit death places and birth places.

* Cherish and discuss family letters, journals, and Bibles.

* Institute and maintain a sense of family traditions in present life—at the dinner table, during holidays.

* Protect religious traditions and rituals as much as possible.

* Teach respect for all elders, not just ones that are relatives.

I highly recommend reading the rest of this insightful book. It will inspire you in your efforts to help your boys become men.

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Sources:

(1): https://www.context.org/iclib/ic16/foster/

(2): A Fine Young Man: What Parents, Mentors and Educators Can Do To Shape Adolescent Boys into Exceptional Young Men, p. 255-275 https://amzn.to/3Xgs2bo